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Guilt Trip.

08/21/2011

I probably have one of the worst and best consciences you’ll ever find in your life. Why do I say this? Well, I feel guilty way too easily. Sometimes, it will be because I actually did something wrong; while other times, it may just be that I feel like I did something wrong or I feel that others might be upset/angry with me.

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Truthfully, I’ve always been this way. I was that kid who would break something fooling around the house and then pitifully turn herself in to her parents (because if not, the guilt would eat me alive). Still today, I will find it hard to fall asleep at night and stay asleep if I feel bad about something that happened during the day. This infuriates me sometimes. I hate the fact that I get mad at myself for speaking my mind (when I know its the right thing to do) purely because I might “hurt” someone’s feelings. I feel guilty when I miss someone’s call and don’t call or text them back right away. I feel guilty when I call off sick from work or even take the day off when I know it’s super busy for my coworkers. I feel guilty I spend too much money on things I don’t “need.” I feel guilty when I’m late for something. I feel guilty when I go any amount of time not talking to someone in my family due to petty arguments (no matter who’s right or who’s wrong). I feel guilty about little things, and I feel guilty about big things. I often feel guilty over insignificant things. I feel guilty about things over which I have no control. I know that a lot of times, I feel guilty when I absolutely shouldn’t, but I can’t help it.

All of this feeling guilty makes me question the behaviors of others.

How is it that some people can do almost anything without feeling an ounce of guilt?

There are people I know who make excuses. There are people I know who can lie without seeming to feel any guilt; people who perform unethical acts at work; people who act without worrying about the feelings of others; people who can miss phone calls and messages and never bother to call back; people who won’t admit when they’re wrong; people who don’t apologize for their negative behaviors; people who don’t seem to care if they are inconveniencing others.

Feeling a certain amount of guilt is healthy. To me, feeling a little guilt from time to time shows we are human and makes us better people overall. Although sometimes I may get carried away with too much guilt, a certain amount of guilt helps me to put my behaviors, my actions, and my words into perspective. Feeling a certain amount of guilt helps me to stay true to my values of who I am as a person.

 

 

 

***Something to think about: How often do you find yourself feeling guilty? What do you feel guilty about? Has there ever been a time when you just can’t help but wonder how a person can do something without feeling guilty?

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