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Single Status.

10/18/2011

I have never really felt ashamed for not being in a relationship. Being single has never defined me as who I am.

 

In fact, I am usually fine with being single. I fully believe that women can be completely independent. Sometimes, I even neglect to ask men for help with things because I am too proud to do so. I support the idea of the strong, independent woman. I don’t tend to rely on a man or  a relationship to provide me with happiness. Instead I believe that I can be completely happy independent of all other people.

 

 

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A few nights ago, however, while at my field placement for graduate school, I began to doubt my beliefs….

 

 

An older lady who works at my placement was asking me about my plans for the upcoming weekend as it was Friday evening, and I was getting ready to leave for the night. As I began to answer her, the next words out of her mouth were: “Do you have a boyfriend?” I replied, “No, I’m not in a relationship right now” (expecting the conversation to move on). Instead of moving on, though, the woman’s next response was: “Oh, you don’t? A young girl beautiful and smart like you?”

 

 

At this point in our conversation, I didn’t quite know what to say so I just smiled and changed the conversation. At first, I felt like she was complimenting me, but then I sensed a tone of pity in her voice. I sensed that in her opinion I should be in a relationship…or at least dating someone. I sensed a tone of disapproval, and it bugged me. Instead of feeling confident in my independence as I typically do, I felt uncomfortable. I started to think like this woman was thinking. I doubted myself. I thought to myself, “she’s right….why not?” Why am I (soon to be 24 years old and) not in relationship?

 

 

I’ve been too busy to give any more thought to this situation for a few days now, but I thought it would be nice to reflect on it now. I know that it is only human and completely natural to doubt ourselves sometimes.
I will make an extra effort to remind myself that the person’s whose opinion matters most is my own.

 

 

 

 

Tell me: Have you ever been in a similar situation? Any advice on how to handle it in a confident way? Are you happy with your relationship status?

 

 

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5 Comments leave one →
  1. 10/19/2011 8:38 am

    i’m not in a realtionship either–and thats perfectly okay!
    you shouldn’t feel pressured to be in a relationship when you don’t have a special someone on your mind 🙂

  2. 10/19/2011 8:44 am

    To be completely honest, I never got completely comfortable with being single. I always wanted that companionship that a relationship offers. I am in the early stages of dating someone now, so technically I am still single, I guess, but I don’t really think of myself that way. That being said, I can look back on all of my years of being single and really appreciate them. Like you said, I gained an independence that I never knew I had inside of me. I became more confident in my own abilities. I don’t think I would have had that if I would have been with someone in my early 20s.

  3. 10/19/2011 11:21 am

    STORY OF MY LIFE! Every family event (about 30 people) I get that question, and they ask why not and blah blah blah…at first I was fine and it was no big deal. Then I realized that both of my sisters, and basically ALL of my cousins have their significant others. So of course, I feel self conscious. But when I’m out with my friends who are NOT all paired up – I remember how much fun and how I don’t need to let it get to me. So I guess I’m still deciding how I feel about it.

  4. 10/19/2011 4:43 pm

    Glad I’m not the only one bothered by it! I got it A LOT at my sisters wedding this past summer as well.

  5. 10/19/2011 4:43 pm

    Thanks for sharing Lisa….glad I’m not alone!

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